(cw: disordered eating; pejorative language re: mental health) I. Hysteria was basically the medical explanation for ‘everything that men found mysterious or unmanageable in women’, a conclusion only supported by men’s (historic and continuing) dominance over medicine, and hysteria’s continued use as a synonym for “over-emotional” or “deranged.” – Ada McVean “The History of Hysteria“Continue reading “the body – (hysteria)”
tiny rebellions
During my first marriage, struggling to hang in there (for reasons I will not enumerate) and struggling with the guilt of not wanting to hang in there, I read a book by a Christian author who said that the purpose of marriage was to make you “holy, not happy.” Holy, not happy. As though marriageContinue reading “tiny rebellions”
Preemption
All the thingsyou’ve grievedbefore they’re gone—The tears wept in advance— Come. Place them on the bier. We’ll set them out to sea,Aflame. kfw 2021
Hypotheticals
At the commencement of our walk together the other day, a friend shared that they had been asked by someone nearing their quarter-century birthday to write down advice they would have given themselves when they were 25. I have thought about this frequently in the days since. When I was 25 I was already twoContinue reading “Hypotheticals”
the body (second movement)
I. A woman sat in a rocking chair in front of my house and cheerfully enumerated to me and the other mothers in attendance the ways in which her church taught members’ pre-adolescent daughters that if they had sex outside of/before marriage they would be permanently damaged. “You give each girl a balloon and theyContinue reading “the body (second movement)”
microchimerism (and other persistences)
In spite of having convinced myself that I’d successfully encapsulated, sealed and healed them, past wounds leak out when I don’t expect it. I don’t mind so much if they leak out when I’m alone—I’ve got that down to a science—but when they leak in public, like an unexpected period on a newly menstruating teenager’sContinue reading “microchimerism (and other persistences)”
A bleak interlude.
Sometimes when you wake up suffocated with a sadness as dark and oppressive as a demon from your sleep paralysis you go for a walk to try to shake it, at least enough to pretend to function, to answer that text in a cheery way, to smile on that Zoom call with your boss, toContinue reading “A bleak interlude.”
the body (first movement)
I. Once upon a time, the mother of a man I loved told me that she was surprised her son was attracted to me, given my body type, as she had been taught that men were typically attracted to women with a physicality like their mother’s. “I have quite large breasts,” she pointed out, “andContinue reading “the body (first movement)”
the body (a prelude)
I. When we’re born, we’re all body —Flesh and need. Taught to disconnect from ourselves,We master separationAnd grasp for another to fill the void. II. kfw 2021
X annos.
Itryto con-strainthis grieftuck it in-toa boxbut it bleeds,it seeps out likespilledink andsmears. it mindsnot the new, dragsme back in with itlooklook, feelme, feel metug, feel me wrestthe ground from beneathyour feet once more. don’t getupstay there.Feel me, feel —Don’t run from me,it commands; No–itbegs; it pleads of me, “Stay.”The more I tug, the harderitgrips me.MyContinue reading “X annos.”
Undusted Corners 