hinges

She tells me
10 minutes a day
might help —

of mindfulness
of meditation —

I remember
before leaving bed this morning
knowing that if not now
I may not have
a chance,
The house is never
this quiet

I set the timer
on the app
and try to sit
the way
Teshin
showed us
in the zendo
when I chaperoned
the kids
on their
neighboring faiths
trip,
though I know I’ve
got the arms
all wrong,
and he’d correct me if he saw

I sit on top of
the covers
and start
to close my
eyes, but stop
myself —
instead
letting my
focus rest
on the second
hinge of
the closed
door

And I breathe
in one
and out
two
and in three
and out
four,
gently
brushing aside
your face
in my
mind’s eye
as it keeps appearing

She tells me
that sometimes
difficult
feelings
may come up
and if
it’s too
much,
just stop

but seeing
your face
doesn’t hurt

I just
lose count,

I just
lose sight of
the hinge,

so I brush
you
away
again

and again

and go back to one

and
the quiet
tears come
as
I keep
breathing
as I
keep
counting
the breaths.

---

kfw 2021